I really do try to listen. I really do try to watch for God's calling in my life. But, so often it is clouded by people and things and emotions that distract me from God's call my own life. I saw God today in the sunrise from my office window. I could see the beginning of the sunrise peeking through the shutters on my office windows and when I opened the shutters all the way I was amazed at the color of the sky, its texture within the patchy, yet almost patterned clouds. I live in Santa Rosa Valley and these frequent, colorful sunrises and the similar colored sunsets are what gave it its name so many years ago. The "santa rosa" color coming from the sunrise and sunset was the same then as it is now and I expect will be the same when I am dead and gone. This amazing beauty, to me, is a sign of God's presence in my life and his presence in this world.
But, mostly, this past week I have seen how God's call in our life is sometimes not easy, especially for those who are called to serve as the leaders of our congregations throughout the world. In the Lutheran church, these people are correctly titled as "called". They are not jobs, they are a lifetime calling, a lifetime commitment to share the gospel and administer the sacraments. But, the calls are filled with so much more than this. The calls are filled with so much more than just preaching on Sunday morning and administering communion. They are filled with hardship, shrinking churches, church management, marketing (I know its a bad word to use for a church), stewardship, congregational care, organizing the calendar, managing the staff on a day-to-day basis, managing the complaints and at the same time, trying to creatively look for ways to more effectively share the gospel to your members and the surrounding community. But, then, just imagine if you have a house, two teenagers, and a life you have to manage beyond your church life. How people manage this is beyond my Pew Sitter mind. I cannot imagine what a challenge that must be. But, then, just imagine if you are "called" to something different? What do you do when you hear those whispers of God...or maybe loud speakers...calling you to something different? Wow...makes me stressed just thinking about that. What do you do with your house? What do you do with your kids and all the friends they have made? What do you do about the money if the new call means less?
As the VP of our church council, we have recently been going through our own Pastoral Call and I have seen this very difficult process play out for an existing staff person who has stayed through the transition. I had hoped to be an advisor to this person during this time, but chose to let others handle it. I had hoped that it would be a positive transition for this person and that I could make that easier. Well this past week, I made it harder for this person rather than making it easy. I made some mistakes in how I handled this very difficult process. But, I felt called by many members in our congregation to voice a growing, very difficult opinion. Was I listening to their call or to God's call? I was prayerful, sought advice and then, the way it played out was so hard for the Associate who had to hear what I felt called to say. I made mistakes in this and I know that God forgives me. I know that the staff person will forgive me. But, ultimately, I know that God sends both his rain and his sun on those who are righteous and unrighteous. I am both sinner and saint and certainly feel that in times like these where I am unsure of whether or not I have handled something in a Godly, Christian manner that God loves me nonetheless.
I pray this person knows that my heart was sincere and wanting only the best for their future and the future of the church. But mostly I pray for God to protect and direct this person to hear God speaking to what He wants in their life. I pray that I will hear God's voice and will for my own life and that my words and actions would look more like Him in all that I do.
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